


Hulk Rescue

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Adorable Hulk, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Animalistic Hulk, Gen, Hulk Feels, Rehabilitation, Twinkies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-22
Updated: 2014-10-12
Packaged: 2017-11-19 07:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Hulk's been held captive for years, and when he escapes the Avengers are ordered to 'permanently neutralize' him, as continual abuse made him more of a rage monster than ever and he's unable to revert to Bruce at all. Tony Stark never was much good at following orders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"So, this is the secret weapon the Army's been testing, the one that went out of control due to operator error?" Tony flew a swift circle around the huge, green creature which was currently smashing a train. Fortunately it was a freight train, carrying mixed consumer goods rather than passengers. The Avengers had got the crew safely out before the Hulk grabbed it to use pieces of train and cargo as missiles to keep them at bay. "Gotta say, it doesn't look like a machine to me. I'm not really keen on _neutralizing_ people. You can't hit the restart button on 'em."

"I know," Steve replied grimly over the comms. He couldn't get close to the Hulk, but kept trying to distract him with his shield, to allow Hawkeye's explosive arrows a chance to hit in a vulnerable spot. "They've lied to us and got SHIELD to do their dirty work, but at this point we don't have much choice. He knocked Thor out, and none of the rest of us can possibly contain him. We're running out of desert. If he gets to a populated area we'll have to take him down fast, any way we can."

Below Tony, the Hulk stopped in mid-rage, shuddered all over and screamed while ripping at his own chest. Green blood streamed down for a few seconds before the wounds healed. The Hulk flung a Maytag washer at Tony, but Tony was distracted by energy readings and he barely dodged in time. "What the...damn, he's locked into a shock harness." Tony could just barely see the dull green metal bands, sunk into the Hulk's flesh like an outgrown collar. "No wonder the poor bastard's crazy. You know, I bet if I could get that off, we could talk to him."

"Iron Man, No!" Steve shouted.

"C'mon, this'll be fun." Tony landed well in front of the Hulk. "Hey, big guy!" And then had to dodge a Dodge. "Woah, good aim. Listen, from the readings I'm guessing you've got about fifteen minutes before you hit your invisible fence again. How about..." And then he had to duck as a crate flew where his head had been a moment ago. "That was close." The good thing about Tony's plan was that he now had the Hulk's undivided attention. That was also the bad part. 

"You know, if you'd just let me look at it..." The matching Maytag drier came at him. "You're voiding a lot of warranties here, big guy!" Tony jetted back, not too fast, luring the Hulk back out into the desert.

"Tony, quit fooling around!" Steve shouted. "You've got a shot, take it!"

"Just because you don't know how to dance..." A large, unidentifiable piece of machinery nearly got Tony's left foot. "That's just plain rude, I was talking to you." Tony got close enough to see the Hulk's face, and what he'd taken for rage was more clearly fear. How long had he been locked into that torture device? Tony remembered a cave, a water barrel and a car battery... but at least he'd had options- he could surrender, he could die. It didn't seem that the Hulk had any way out. "I'm going to get you out of that. I promise!" He might still have to kill the Hulk, but at least he could die free of that thing. And he could make sure no one else was hurt. "Come on, follow the leader!" He buzzed once around the Hulk, then yelped as a big, green hand caught his ankle and pulled him to the ground.

The Hulk stood over him and roared, one hand raised to pound Iron Man into the ground. Tony froze with his hands raised, and shoulder missiles bristling at readiness. At this distance he couldn't miss. But that would end any chance of peace between them. "Don't," Tony said, as the Hulk still didn't move. He raised his helmet's faceplate. "Please, don't make me kill you. Don't let those bastards win. I can help you."

The Hulk roared again, the wind blowing Tony's hair into his eyes.

And then he released Tony, turning to smash one of the many tumbled crates before leaping away. At least he was heading for the desert.

Tony sat up and wiggled his foot, checking that it still worked. The other Avengers came running up to him. "Are you out of your mind!" Steve shouted. Natasha and Clint were silent, but their expressions showed that they agreed with him. 

"Nah." Tony's gaze lit on the contents of the crate the Hulk had just smashed. "Oh. I've just had an idea."

***

Setting up the delivery system took a few minutes, but it was well worth it. A few minutes later Tony caught up with the Hulk striding along the desert, growling and smacking rocks and cactus. "Here you go," Tony said as he triggered the release directly overhead and a shower of small objects bounced off the Hulk's head. 

Snarling, the Hulk batted at the missiles, and picked up a handful to throw back. They squished in his fingers. He looked very confused, and then sniffed his hand, and licked at the mess before sitting down to gather the rest of them.

Tony winced as the Hulk ate the Twinkies packaging and all. "Used to MRE's, huh?" He landed a short distance in front of the Hulk who growled around a mouthful of artificial cream. "There's more where that came from... well... some more. If you really like them, I could buy the recipe, set up a factory, put your face on the label... people like celebrity endorsements..." Tony kept talking and moving a little closer to the Hulk who kept growling and eating. He got almost within reaching distance when the shock harness went off again.

Tony sighed as the Hulk took off. "Sorry about the littering," he said as he followed, his boot jets sending Twinkies flying.

***

"No, I'm not ignoring our orders, Captain," Tony said during the third Twinkie bombing. The Hulk was beginning to look forward to them, and hardly growled at all when Tony flew over him. "We were to contain and neutralize the threat, ensure the domestic safety, etc. etc. I'm working on it."

"Iron Man, don't risk yourself. If the Hulk puts you out of action..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, 'Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi, you're our only hope'... gotta go, zap interval coming up." Tony did cut Steve's protest, but he left his com set to transmit. If he failed, they'd need all the heads' up time they could get. He landed and took his helmet off completely this time. For once the Hulk hadn't run off after being electrocuted, but just lay on the ground, making a noise like... well... whimpering, really. Tony moved closer. "I really want to help you," he said softly. "I've been running scans on the monkey on your back, and I can get it off." The big green face turned to him, and then... cringed away from Tony's outstretched hand. "Oh, the armor. Scares you, right? Yeah, I bet they armored up before they touched you. And hurt you." Tony made a decision, which would either be brilliant, or the last stupid thing he'd ever done. "I'm going to take it off. Please, please, remember, I'm a squishy Twinkie of a human under all this. If you swat me, that will be the end of what might have been a beautiful friendship." Tony activated the emergency release, and let the armor fall to the ground. The Hulk tensed, muscles bulging, but didn't move. "That's fine, you're doing great big guy." Tony counted off the time until the harness would activate again. "I have to work fast." He got his tool kit from the armor. "The release is on your back. Do you understand? I have to get at it." The Hulk narrowed his eyes. Tony was all out of Twinkies. He pulled his emergency rations from his pocket. A bit squished, but still, Dove chocolate bars are always good. He peeled the paper away and held it out. "This is good. You're good. We're fine."

The Hulk sniffed and took the chocolate bar with a delicacy Tony hadn't thought him capable. He put it in his mouth and... smiled. Actually smiled. Then he tilted his head and lay down on his belly, watching Tony.

"Great!" Tony had to actually climb onto the Hulk's back to reach the release. It was like a lumpy, green waterbed. The release was buried under skin and muscle so Tony couldn't directly access it without cutting into the Hulk. That would have been a REALLY BAD idea, but fortunately, electronic signals could conduct through. And let's see, a bit of experimentation to find the exact ... "Yeah," Tony said as he saw motion under the skin, a tiny gap between the two ridges of the harness. "WHOOPS!" he yelled as the Hulk stood up, roaring, to dump him in the sand, and rip the harness from his body, and then stomp it into tiny, tiny, green blood-covered bits.

Tony lay there stunned, looking up at the Hulk. The Hulk stared at him for a long moment. Then he reached down and picked Tony up. He sniffed Tony.

"Not going to eat me, are you? I mean, you've already had dessert, nobody has the main course after dessert," Tony babbled and tried not to squirm.

Suddenly the Hulk grinned and licked Tony from chin to forehead in one warm, wet swipe.

"Yuck. Twinkie breath." Abruptly the Hulk dropped him. Tony hit the same patch of sand again. "Ow." He sat up. "Could you stop doin...ok, that's new. Huh." He watched as the Hulk shrank down to a bewildered, rumpled man. "Hey?" 

The man blinked and looked at Tony. He wrapped his arms around himself but didn't say anything.

"Ok. This is weird. But it's a good weird." Tony smiled and held out his hand. "Tony Stark, pleased to meet you..."

The man blinked again, and then slowly reached out to Tony, trembling. "I... I'm... I was... Bruce... yes... Bruce Banner. That's right, isn't it?" 

Tony clasped Bruce's hand firmly. "Oh, yeah, I remember you. You did some breakthrough work in gamma. Haven't heard from you in years."

Bruce winced. "I... haven't heard from me... in years. General Ross... he owns me."

Tony showed his teeth. "Like fuck he does." He patted Bruce on the back. "Lemme introduce you to the guys, and then we'll all go out and get pizza. You could go for pizza, right?"

Bruce shook his head. "You don't understand. Ross wants the Hulk, and he's... he's broken both of us. I'm not safe to be around, and the Hulk... you saw him. He's... conditioned. They just...they can trigger the metamorphosis at any time, and then you know what you've got?"

"Yeah, the Hulk. Big guy, nice jungle camo he's got going, has a sweet tooth." Tony smiled. "He'll fit in with my decor, don't worry about it. You wanna know the truth, Bruce? Of the two of us, I'm the more dangerous one. The Hulk... he's just an overgrown puppy."

"Puppy." Bruce stared at Tony. "You're crazy. You know that?"

"It's been said." Tony stood up and held out his hand. "Come with me? I'll take care of you and the big guy."

Bruce stood up and looked around at the desert, strewn with Twinkie packaging. Then he shrugged and took Tony's hand. "Um, Tony, about that pizza. I just realized. I'm naked."

"Don't worry about it." Tony picked up his helmet and switched the comms to full send and receive. "No shirt, no shoes, no service doesn't apply to Tony Stark. Hey, guys, can you send a pickup chopper? I've got sand in the suit and it'd make me itch to put it back on."

"TONY!" Steve's shout came through loudly. "DAMN IT, TONY!"

Tony shrugged and told Bruce, "Don't mind Steve, they all love me, really."

Bruce's smile spread slowly, like a sunrise. "Yeah. I bet they do."


	2. Chapter 2

"Come on, give it a try." Tony dangled a silvery necklace that looked like a hugely oversized charm bracelet in front of Bruce.

"What? No. Tony, that's ridiculous." Bruce looked up from his microscope for an instant and then shook his head. Tony had given Bruce the lab, so he felt free to barge in at any time of the day or night. Bruce retaliated by going into Tony's workshop and replacing his coffee with decaf. 

"No, it's titanium. And big enough not to choke your greener side."

"The Hulk doesn't like jewelry."

"How do you know? Did anyone ever give him any? I bet he'll like this one. Look!" Tony shook the necklace and dangling silver tubes hit together, making a chiming sound. "It's perfectly tuned!"

"Tony." Bruce rubbed at the back of his neck. "Why do you want the Hulk to wear a necklace?"

"Well, it's not so much the Hulk, as it is you. You know you keep having wardrobe failures no matter what I design for you. This necklace has a homing transmitter, so we can find you before you catch your death of cold." He opened a small metal box and pulled out a tightly folded hundred dollar bill. "And this in case someone tries to arrest you on vagrancy charges." 

"Tony."

"Wait! There's more!"

"You sound like a three a.m. infomercial."

Tony grinned and pointed out a tiny colorful cube dangling from a ring set in a corner. "A mini-Rubik's cube! So you don't get too bored."

"Tony, I memorized the solving algorithms for that decades ago. It takes me thirty seconds to solve."

"So, you can impress the natives! And here! Look, there's a vacuum packed Speedo in this box." Tony looked at Bruce. "Don't lie, you really, really want the Speedo."

"Is it red and gold?"

Tony's eyes shifted off to one side. "I don't know what you're talking about... all right, fine, I've got a plain black one you can have instead."

Bruce sighed. "Next mission, I'll try it, but don't blame me if the other guy breaks it." Bruce picked up the necklace and glanced at the numerous doo-dads hanging off of it. "What's this?" he said as he picked up a shiny engraved medallion shaped like a stylized Hulk.

"That? That's nothing. Give it back, Bruce, I need to exchange the Speedo."

"Wait." Bruce put a hand on Tony's chest and held him back. "There's writing on it. Let me get my glasses."

"No, no, you don't need to..."

Bruce put on his glasses and peered at the medallion. He read, "Bruce Banner. If found, return to Tony Stark. Reward." Bruce lowered his glasses and stared at Tony. "Reward?" His voice deepened and his eyes flashed green. He growled and grew green.

"Hey, big guy!" Tony grabbed the necklace and ran for his emergency bunker. The Hulk growled and bounded along after him. "Fetch," Tony shouted once he got to his stash and threw a handful of treasure into the air. The Hulk reached a hand up and grabbed a Ho Ho. He sat down to eat it after peering at the image of Hawkeye on the wrapper. "Good boy." Tony slipped the necklace over the Hulk's head, and gave him a Ding Dong.

Forming a dummy corporation, Metropoulos & Co., to buy the rights from Hostess for their snack cakes had been a brilliant move. Even discounting what the Hulk ate, he was making a profit. He got out the set of silver-backed Hulk brushes and began combing the Hulk's hair. Tony had always wanted a puppy.


	3. Clothes Make the Monster

The Avengers had been called out of New York City for a change, but it hadn't been much of a holiday. Weehawken, New Jersey wasn't used to the Avengers, and in particular wasn't used to Hulk so the citizenry had been getting in the way more often than the experienced and agile pedestrians of Manhattan would have done.

"Oh, boy," Clint said. "Guys, we might have a little problem here." Hawkeye was perched up high on a church steeple, picking off the animated statues, lawn ornaments and even a few modern gargoyles that had emerged from building facades courtesy of yet another ill-thought out plan for World Domination. Really, rock-brained minions were a bad choice- they'd accidentally squished their creator and proceeded to go on an aimless rampage before he could even declare his supervillain name.

"C.O.P.S." Clint spelled out. "Not in plain clothes."

"Iron Man!" Steve snapped.

"On it!" Tony blasted an eagle-headed gargoyle into the Hudson, where it sank without a trace, and turned in mid-air. He was going to ask Jarvis to track Hulk, but the trajectory of flying hunks of statue aimed at a pair of police officers huddling under Captain America's shield traced back _really_ easily to a giant green rage machine. Hulk was grabbing random objects and flinging them while ignoring Thor grabbing at his arm and Natasha shouting at him.

Anyone else would say Hulk looked furious. Tony thought he was terrified. He flew over to Hulk, shouting, "No, Hulk, no! Down, drop it! Hulk!" For an instant green eyes turned in his direction. Tony slammed a fist against Iron Man's side, several times, making a racket like banging pot lids together. "Hulk! Be good! Stop this at once!" Hulk shook his head, growled and reached for another squirming statue. "Hulk!" Tony spied a nearby fire hydrant, and used his repulsors to slice it open, directing the flow of water into Hulk's face. Hulk yelped and sputtered, wiping at his eyes. Tony landed, ripped Thor's cloak off and threw it over Hulk's head.

"Good boy, good boy, that's it," Tony said as Hulk whined and backed away from the water, shaking his head. He tugged at Hulk's arm, and pulled him out of the stream of water before he took off the cloak. Hulk looked at him with huge, sad eyes.

"HULK BAD?"

"No, no." Tony opened his faceplate and smiled. "Hulk is my good boy." He patted Hulk on the shoulder. Thor made a noise of disapproval. Tony flicked the cloak in his direction without looking at him. "We just... have to work on some... stuff. Later." He patted Hulk again. "How about you help me smash some statues?"

***

"Ok, so, that could have gone better," Tony told Bruce, who was huddled on the steps of a municipal building littered with bits of broken lawn gnomes. "But no one was hurt... well, except for the Statue Guy and that was all on him."

"Steve said... I nearly killed him, and two police officers."

"Hulk wasn't aiming at them, not really. He was just upset." Tony sat next to Bruce, getting the armor down with a clunk. He took off his helmet and wiped at his sweaty hair. "He has a thing. You know. Uniforms. We'll work it out."

"How?"

"We'll... desensitize him, that's it. I'll get a bunch of uniforms, we'll wear them around him until he gets used to them."

"Won't work." Bruce rubbed at his temples. "Remember Halloween?"

"What? Nothing happened on Halloween. We had a lot of callers at the mansion, some of them dressed in uniforms, but you didn't Hulk out even once."

"Yeah. That's 'what the dog did in the night', Sherlock. Nothing. He didn't react. He knew they were costumes. I don't know how he can tell, but a person has to have earned the uniform, belong in it, before Hulk reacts."

"Huh. Ok, we'll figure something out. C'mon, I'm starving. There's some restaurants open at the wharf. Surf and turf sounds good, right? Right?" Tony nudged until Bruce got up and started walking.

***

"Good morning," Steve said. "Oatmeal?"

"Sure, thanks," Bruce mumbled, rubbing at his eyes and yawning as he sat at the breakfast nook in Stark Mansion. He was always slow to wake up the day after a Hulk Out. He put his hands down when a bowl clattered to the table in front of him. He blinked up at Steve. "What...what are you wearing?" Hulk shifted uneasily, growling under Bruce's skin.

"My army uniform." Steve shrugged. "You know, I never was officially discharged." Steve put a spoon down next to the bowl. "Tea?" He smiled at Bruce. After a moment, Bruce could tell Hulk was smelling the brown sugar and cinnamon on the oatmeal, and urging him to eat. Apparently, Hulk didn't mind uniforms so much if the wearer was a friend, and to Hulk, anyone who fed him was a friend. 

"Um, yeah, thanks." Bemused, Bruce ate his oatmeal.

***

A lazy day of watching old Ted Talks seemed like a good idea to Bruce. He didn't have the mental energy for research or even collating data. He settled into one of the oversized couches in the main living room (he was trying to be socially accessible, it was a difficult habit to establish after years of being submerged in Hulk's consciousness where the only human encounter they had involved torture) and let Jarvis put up a menu sorted by types of topics.

"Hey. You want a shoulder massage?"

Bruce turned his head at Clint's voice, ready to say 'yes', because the residual aches of transformation were always slowest to pass off in his shoulders. Clint was wearing a SHIELD uniform, not his Hawkeye gear or his off-duty leisure wear. "I didn't know you even owned a uniform." Bruce raised his eyebrows. Hulk was grumbling, but at Bruce, for delaying the massage. Hulk loved getting touches that felt good; he craved them. "This is Tony's secret plan?"

Clint grinned. "Is it working?"

"Maybe." Bruce turned back to face the menu and leaned forward slightly. "Hulk likes it when you really dig in."

Clint laughed and started rubbing Bruce's back. Bruce could feel Hulk's rumble of satisfaction.

***

Bruce wasn't terribly surprised when he woke after an impromptu nap (the Ted Talk had been on the science of sleep) to find Natasha standing in front of him, bouncing a ping-pong ball on a paddle. Well, no, Natasha and ping-pong _was_ a surprise combination. But not the fact that she was wearing a Russian Army uniform. Hulk stirred, but wasn't angry. Not yet, at least. "You can't tell me you just happened to have that lying around."

"Apparently Tony's tailors love a challenge." She brushed her free hand over the other sleeve. "It's odd. I seldom had cause to wear it, but yes, I had one very like this-- long ago." She popped the ping-pong ball in the air again. "Care for a game?"

"Hulk isn't a puppy, no matter what Tony says," Bruce remarked.

"All men are puppies," Natasha said. "Come on, I'll let you think you have a chance of winning."

Bruce couldn't help grinning. "Fine." He wasn't stupid, but being manipulated by your friends who only wanted to help wasn't a bad thing. It was a ridiculously simplistic methodology, and he would have a talk with Tony about it later. Later. Now he was going to go get his ass handed to him by the Black Widow. How many nuclear physicists could brag about that?

***

Bruce loosened up and was laughing as he shied the ping-pong ball all over the place, just to admire Natasha's incredible reflexes. She never missed a shot. Bruce held up his hands in surrender after the final volley.

"Ho! How goes the battle?" Thor came into the room, smiling. Normally Hulk tensed up whenever he saw Thor, but this time there was hardly any reaction. Then again, this was the first time he'd seen Thor in a blue button down and a dark charcoal gray suit, with black dress shoes polished to a high shine. His dark patterned tie was loose around his neck and his hair combed sleekly smooth.

"Thor. You're... looking good." 

"My thanks, Doctor Banner. I am to escort my Jane to a lecture, and I wished not to detract attention from her. Thus I emulate Midgardian dress tonight."

Bruce smiled wryly. "And it's got nothing to do with the fact that your usual clothing is what you wear as a warrior- your 'uniform' as it might be?"

"Nothing at all!" Thor laughed and patted Bruce on the shoulder. "I would be your friend, and the friend of your Other, were I dressed in motley or the robes of royalty. We but seek to open your eyes to this truth."

***

"All right." Bruce hadn't seen Tony yet, and Hulk was displeased about that. Tony poked and he prodded and he teased, but he never ignored Bruce. Bruce wasn't sure whether it was Tony trying to be a responsible pet-owner (yeah, that burned a little, but he couldn't really deny how Hulk felt about Tony) or that Tony had never had a science playmate on his level before, but he'd dragged Bruce in on nearly every experiment and project and conference and more than once sat down and rambled about all his inner feelings, even when Bruce was too sleepy to listen. "ALL RIGHT," Bruce said louder as Jarvis let him into the lab. "Tony?" Tony had his back turned. He was wearing an olive drab jumpsuit. "Come on, don't tell me you hold military rank." Bruce wanted to be annoyed, but his inner Hulk was wriggling all over in pleasant anticipation of 'Tony-time'.

Tony turned to face Bruce. He was wearing a matching green ballcap, and embroidered rank and service patches. "Air Force reserve. What? You think I let Rhodey earn his wings before me? I thought about wearing the dress uniform, but, eh, I like green." Tony grinned at Bruce. "And how does Green feel about uniforms now?"

"He's... thinking about it. But you know, it's different when the Other Guy is out on his own. I don't have much influence over him. And anyway, today's charades don't prove anything; none of you are police officers."

"Pffft." Tony came over to Bruce and threw an arm over his shoulders and dragged him towards the current experiment. "I've got a new plan!"

"I can't wait to hear it," Bruce said dryly. He suspected it involved equipping every uniformed officer in Manhattan with Hostess cakes emergency packs.


	4. Butterscotch Wouldn't Melt in Your Mouth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got a nice comment today, which reminded me that discussion with other commenters last year had turned up ideas I hadn't used. This chapter dedicated to my commenters, especially to Indiw.

"Sit, Hulk," Tony said firmly. Giving Manhattan's Finest a truckload of Twinkies' 10 packs as a Hulk 'sweetener' had one slight drawback. They'd fed him so many he was having a sugar overload. A bouncy Hulk was a bit much, even for the reinforced walls and floors of Avengers' HQ.

"Sit!" Tony said again, trying to catch Hulk's attention.

"WHERE?" Hulk picked up a chair and put it upside down on his head, like a crown. He grinned at Tony, all big, square teeth coated in cake crumbs. "SIT?"

"The sofa, Hulk." Tony grabbed one sticky Hulk finger and tugged in the direction of the living room. Pepper was watching from the sidelines, barely holding back a 'told you so' grin. She was always telling Tony he should give Hulk healthy snacks like carrots and tofu. Despite the tofu, Hulk adored her, but that didn't mean he listened to her as well as he did to Tony. Well, when he wasn't in a sugar frenzy, he usually listened to Tony.

"SO FAR?" Hulk turned his head. The chair dropped and he stepped on it. "OOPS?" Hulk pushed the splintered chair behind the table and tried to look innocent.

"The butterscotch couch!" Tony pointed at the custom made, butterscotch manta ray leather couch, triply reinforced and French seamed, sectional made to hold a full grown African bull elephant and his entire family, or, the Avengers at Movie Night. It was much the same thing, except the elephants wouldn't put their boots on the coffee table.

"OH!" Hulk beamed a huge grin, thudded over to the couch, leaned down and took a bite out of it. He spit it out immediately, and turned a reproachful look on Tony. "NOT BUTTERSCOTCH!" He started picking couch fluff from between his teeth.

Tony sighed. Pepper was giggling. Tony rolled his eyes at her. "Butterscotch is the color, Hulk. Like... like, you're guacamole colored."

"GUACAMOLE? WHERE?" Hulk looked around eagerly. 

"SIT!" Tony said.

Hulk's knees folded and he landed on the bitten couch, which creaked, but held. Hulk gave Tony huge sad eyes. "HULK BAD?" He sniffled.

"Yikes. No, no, you're good. You're fine." Tony ran over to the couch and patted Hulk's shoulder. Hulk turned and sniffled some more. "This was an ugly couch anyway. It looks better with a hole in it. Modern and hipster." 

Hulk tried to cuddle in Tony's lap, with a lamentable lack of success. "NO BUTTERSCOTCH? NO GUACAMOLE?" Hulk peered past Tony at Pepper to point at her. "NO TOFU! TOFU BAD!"

"Ok!" Tony wrapped his arms around Hulk's wrist and tugged. "No tofu. How about cheese popcorn and Dora the Explorer?"

Hulk brightened. "YES! DORA!"

"Jarvis, put Dora on. Pepper?" Tony indicated his Hulk-encased situation. "Popcorn? Please?"

"All right." Pepper left the room.

Dora began exploring. Hulk rumbled a contented growl as Tony picked bits of Doombot out of his hair. "That's my good boy," Tony said.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the [prompt found here](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/12672.html?thread=28029824#t28029824)
> 
> Short version-The Hulk is an abused, scared animal. Tony wins him over with kindness.
> 
> Note: Hulk did ads for Twinkies!
> 
>  
> 
> [ Here's one](http://www.tomheroes.com/Comic%20Ads/hostess%20ads/hulk_green_frog.htm)
> 
> [ And another](http://www.tomheroes.com/Comic%20Ads/hostess%20ads/hulk_up_a_tree.htm)
> 
> [ And Iron Man did one, also](http://www.tomheroes.com/Comic%20Ads/hostess%20ads/iron_man_city_crisis.htm)


End file.
